I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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