Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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