Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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