I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
