dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
