I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
