Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
