We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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