I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
