I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
