Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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