No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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