I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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