Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
