do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize