I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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