Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
