You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
