Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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