peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
