Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize