So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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