I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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