We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
