i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
