Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize