obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
