yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
