Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
