Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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