Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
