They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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