Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
