Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
