I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
