Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
