hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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