Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
