So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
