Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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