I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
