Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
