If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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