that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
