I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
