this boner is exhausting
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
