In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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