I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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