i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
