i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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