She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
