You're so nebulous sometimes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
