Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize