Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
