wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
