Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?