My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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