I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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