you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts