I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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