I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
