I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
