i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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