I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's always time for handjobs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
