She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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