Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
